BATHROOM DIARIES

This past weekend I was at Live at PJ's, which is supposed to be a place for live music, but a DJ was spinning instead. Perhaps they thought that the drunk people of St. Patrick's day wouldn't be in any condition to appreciate live music. Anyway, as the title suggests, I had to pay a visit to the bathroom, where I found both stalls taken. I'm pretty full (meaning I was at an 8 on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is I can't stand up straight, and if I do, I will pee in my pants) so this situation is kind of dire. These two girls taking both stalls are drunk out of their minds. Conversation is like this:

Stall 1: Billy is worried about you... are you okay?
Stall 2: umm... I'm pRetttty druuuunk, but I'm okay...
Stall 1: Okay.

**Silence for ~30 s**
I'm wondering what the hell they're doing that they can't come out and let a girl do her business in under 45 seconds.

**BIG RELEASE (waterfall type) from Stall 1**
Lasts for ~15 seconds. Really quite impressed, and am thinking that she deserved her lengthy bathroom time.

**Silence for 1 minute**
Wipe and go damnit!! Wipe and go!

Stall 1: WOAH.
Stall 2: What?
Stall 1: I just realized I'm reeeaaally drunk.
Stall 2: Are you okaaay?
Stall 1: Yeah, I'm okaaaay.

Stall 1 door opens. Girl stumbles out, wavering from side to side. She gets to the sink, which is 5 feet away in 10 steps. Oh thank you! I rush over, and hesitate at the stall door. My feet are dancing a little bit, not sure whether or not to take another step. Why? WHY you ask? Because [WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION] there is pee all over the toilet seat cover ALL OVER and a ring of pee around the toilet on the floor. Splatter all over the place. Ah! Ah! Ah! "Eeeew" I say out loud, turn around, and bolt out the door. I'm not worried about embarrassing Stall #1.