Not THIS Old Lady

My company's main office is in Stamford, CT, and there's a small NYC contingency in the "New York office." We are part of a larger umbrella company, so we share space with a sister company in New York. ANYWAY, it is usually just 3 people, working in our corner. Sometimes people from the CT visit, but it's pretty rare.

So yesterday, out of the blue, the president of our company came into the office for a meeting, and brought her mother along, who was going to leave for the airport from our office. Right now, only the side entrance to our building is open due to construction, and the arranged car service was for some reason, only going to go to the blocked off main entrance around the corner. So the president asked me to show her mother to the main entrance since she would be tied up with a meeting. Okay sure, no problem. It will take 5 min. She introduced her mother, who was named Audrey, so that was cool -- off to a good start!

As we were getting ready to head out, I grabbed her suitcase for her. She said, "Wow, what service!" Ahem. What??? SERVICE??? Um, lady, I'm taking your suitcase for you because I'm being curteous because YOU'RE AN OLD LADY!! Kind of like how I carried my sister's suitcase all over NYC because she's my sister and because she's got a lot to carry and because she had a gimpy knee!! Kind of like how I try to carry everything for my mom so she doesn't have to carry stuff. "Service," please, I'm not the help around here. In any case, I moved on.

We got to the lobby and saw that it was raining... HARD. She's like all apologetic and said that she'd go out by herself, no reason for me to get wet, and it's just around the corner. But she didn't know her way around and I wasn't about to just let her wander around by herself. The president asked for a favor and I wasn't going to lose her mother. Anyway, she had an umbrella, which she generously shared with me, and we got around the corner, and it's 3rd Ave., and I really have no idea where a car would stop to wait for someone. There's no towncar in sight. So I left her at the bus stop for shelter so that I could just check around the corner at the other entrance to make sure that the car was not waiting there.

Well, turned out, there was a car there, and they say that they were there to pick up "Audrey." So I walked back, in the rain, no umbrella, to get her. She followed me to the car and interestingly, didn't offer her umbrella this time. But then the idiot driver was all, wait no, I'm waiting for a different person.

I then turned to Audrey and said we'd better go back to the other entrance, and she rolled her eyes, went "augh,", turned around, and stalked off and left me standing in the rain. Dude!! It's not MY fault your daughter didn't arrange things right for you!! But then another car was parked a few cars down, which turned out to be the correct car (it was an SUV; car services are never SUVs! How was I to know?). So I called Audrey back, and sent her away to the airport.

Was I happy that that was over. Ungrateful old lady. She stayed dry while "the help" got all wet.

Seinfeld: Old Lady Version

This weekend, we went to Joe's Shanghai in Chinatown for a snack of heart-warming soup dumpling goodness. We were enjoying our treats (8 pork ones and 8 crab/pork ones), when two old ladies walked in: one Jewish one (JO), and one Chinese one (CO).

JO: Oh my, look, everybody is eating the dumplings. (In Long Island accent)
CO: Yes, those two are only having shiu long bao. (Cantonese)

[me: Kiran, that's what I want to do when I'm old!]
[Old ladies open up the menus.]

CO: How about a fish?
JO: A whole fish? Just for the two of us?
CO: Yes, why not a fish?
Now, you don't like tofu, right?
JO: Oh, I can not STAND tofu. It's tasteless. No, I will not do tofu. Why don't we have dumplings?
CO: Hmm...
JO: I mean, everybody is eating dumplings in here. Usually, when everybody is eating something, it is usually their signature dish. I think we should have the dumplings.

And it goes on and on. It was seriously the old lady equivalent to Seinfeld in the diner!

Old woman

6. Dye hair hot pink in various shades. What is it with old women and hot pink?

Can't wait to be an old woman

Why?

Because I have seen the following things in daily life, and it has been okay because this person was old. Hence, when I am old, I can do all the following crazy things and nobody will think anything of it.

1. Can wear crazy hot pink blush.
2. Can wear pants with giant hole in crotch (underwear present of course).
3. Can be an old Italian lady out for a nice buffet lunch by oneself and ask next young person in line to fill entire plate full of selected foods after selected foods.
4. Okay, this one isn't crazy, but I'm really looking forward to it. Walking around during the daytime with fellow old ladies in knee-length skirts and sensible shoes. (Observed in Italy and Spain.)
5. Can wear crazy clothes from my young days. See crazy tango lady in fishnet stockings.

Will add to list as things come up.